At one time I was considering a perky little post about digging deep and finding inner reserves of strength, the kind of thing I might say to a group of yoga students shaking their way through round five of navasana. Instead, I'll write about the same thing, only doing it when you feel tired and defeated, or you've just realized you're only human, susceptible to all kinds of silly human illusions and pitfalls. I'm talking about getting out of bed on the day before Solstice when all you have to look forward to is the longest night of the year. Even then, we still have to show up and make the effort. I don't want to do an extra push-up in my sun salutation, but I do it anyway. I agree to put up Christmas decorations this weekend and bake a pecan pie for Brynn's birthday. I get up and look at my lesson plans for the day and go to work. I write a blog entry because I committed to myself to do so. There is no promise that any of this will pay off, but I breathe through the fear and loathing and act. The pay-off is in the action itself. That's life, and I'm pretty sure it beats the alternative.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpFudDAYqxY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpFudDAYqxY
When I read this post, originally I did so to see what you felt about Joni Mitchell and to hear her magnificent melancholy masterpiece. Then in reading I realized that you had captured her tone in your blog, but I am left wondering how you see insufficient enlightenment when so few in this life can see above the souls of your shoes, metaphorically speaking.
ReplyDeleteI read the words...... loathing, pay-off, no promise, fear, show up, illusions, pitfalls, live with choices, the blues, long nights, tired, disappointed, bouts of insecurity, fumbling.... oh my, just when I was sensing defeat, you snatch it away with the most beautiful words BEING HUMAN. The inverse of the name of your blog. What a BEAUTIFUL Description. Is there anything more wonderful than the frailties of existance and simply being HUMAN? ....and to JUST BE ALIVE!
Human.....It seems to me almost more encompassing than any other word. For in HUMANITY, we reflect a spectrum of emotions, wants, needs, desires, drives, thots, hopes, perceptions, actions (both good and bad), and light that separates us from all other living things... by one word, INTENTION. We are at once the affirmation and the negation of every observable thing, and more, because we THINK to Choose.... WE are imagination and laughter and sometimes the perfect expression of Pain. It is with great surprise that I perceive your underestimation of your own wonderful state. In which your are one of the very few I have crossed paths with who actually has the ability to express a longing for the finest attributes of humanity...yet seems unwilling to recognize it as it radiates from you. Please accept the reality you are witness to, each and every day, as you contemplate this existence and your sojourn thru life.
All I can say is thank you for this. I'll admit, frankly, to feeling a little embarrassed that you've taken the time to read through all these old posts and comment so eloquently. But thank you all the same.
ReplyDeleteFor THIS?.... One day, at your request, I will have to tell you about my most important feeling of embarrassment....and why it changed my "way of seeing" and how it colored each peel of laughter, the echo of tears falling from swollen cheeks, and sound of any final sigh.
ReplyDeleteI have not taken much time to read, but rather inhaled the crisp night air of your blog while rocking gently on my porch. At first I barely recognized the drink beside me, and then have gulped much of it, when I should have savored it. Some will wonder if it's half empty, others will ask if its half full...NOT I, for me the question will always be that when I find it EMPTY,... Can it be REFILLED?. I believe it can be...should be....WILL BE. So, It is I who must THANK YOU!
Eloquently? All the same?...When I discover how to comment eloquently, nothing will ever be the same. Your kindness is not deserved.
I first posted here because I THOT I knew you from my school daze....In fact I even seemed to recall you speaking to me often...a friend of a cousin's girlfriend...so I searched each yearbook YOU were not there, but of course you weren't THAT was not YOU. Just someone who was virtual Clone of you......with a nearly identical physical appearance, even the eyes, but some years older than you. Still the similarities are eerie. When I realized that, I felt I was imposing...but too curious about what you might have written next to "fagedaboutit". Then I started to discover words and phrases I have used my whole life. You seemed a wordsmith who must have apprenticed under the same old master, but seem to have been a much more able protegee. So I pause...
It occurs to me that my thots must seem vaudevillian in contrast to your theatre in the round. Kinda sorta Like Charlie Brown when asked what he saw, after Lucy had seen Picket' Charge in the clouds, and Schroder's Cumulus sighting of Beethoven playing his Fifth Symphony, ... If I recall he whispered, well I was going to say a Horsey, but I think I've changed my mind.
Thank you for having allowed me access to some of your most intimate musings and innermost feelings. They are inordinately beautiful. And for letting me leave replies, that I think now probably intruded a tad... In the future I may leave a few short comments as I enjoy the sights and sounds of life on your blog. I just noticed it getting late...there are chores to be done...and a blog or two of my own that must be completed. I appreciate how you reminded me how fascinating life is.