Shut It Tight

God, I love it when I stumble into a rich find like T-Bone Burnett's "Shut It Tight." Brynn and I were downstairs painting the walls of her bedroom a Pepto Bismol pink with Pandora set to Leonard Cohen radio. Lucky for me, Brynn's no bubblegum listener, and we were treated to an array of Cohen, George Harrison, Van Morrison, to name a few. I've always got my radar out when listening to music for something that makes me stop what I'm doing, something that absorbs all my attention, and this song did. As is my human nature, I make connections and meaning out of many of these seemingly random coincidences. This song comes to me just as I was considering my answer to Dzogchen Ponlop's question: "How seriously and how far are we going to take this?" "This" refers to actively bringing a practice of compassion into our lives, but I'll stretch it to mean how seriously do I take a pursuit of authentic life, which includes both wisdom and compassion.

"If we decide to commit to it, to do it, then we make that promise a part of our being; we own it. That's the first step. The second step is that we start to do whatever it takes to live up to that aspiration, which otherwise remains just words. What do we need to do? We need to wake up..."

My apologies to both T-Bone and Dzogchen if I somehow manage to create a kind of hybrid monster out of their perfect-just-as-they-are thoughts.  I think Burnett's lyrics are as clear-sighted as can be into human nature--what we do, who we are. And, yes, I'm lumping us all together in this, though there are no doubt people who have attained freedom from the entanglements of ordinary humanity. But here's the thing:

Sometimes I want to stop and crawl back into the womb 
And sometimes I cannot tell wrong from right 
But I ain't gonna quit until I'm laid in my tomb 
And even then they better shut it tight.

So my answer is that I'm serious about living an authentic life--I ain't gonna quit until I'm laid in my tomb, and even then they better shut it tight. T-Bone's lyrics are crazy profound in that it takes someone who is authentic to see one's own bullshit, you know? And in the past I might have listened to this song and been soothed by it as an excuse for wrecklessness that left wounded others in its wake. But now I think that once you can see this about yourself, you have a choice to fugeddaboudit and go on as before, or to wake up--god, at least make the effort, and then don't quit until you're dead. Am I serious about wanting to leave less suffering in the world than when I found it? Here's another Rebel Buddha  quote that I take to heart especially, "You can choose whether to say what's on your mind and burning to come out, or you can pause and cool down first. That's a rebel buddha moment, when you're about to be caught again, and something steps in at the last moment and pushes you free, out of reach of disaster." I know the part of me that likes to write, that blogs, responds to email, is often afire with what's on her mind and burning to come out. She's sad to think of letting that cool down. But I don't know if this means losing passion, necessarily. Maybe just channelling its energy. To tell you the truth, I don't even know if this is possible, but to quote Dzogchen Ponlop one last time,  "at some point, we really need to leap from our comfortable spot and go beyond imagining this road to freedom to actually traveling it." At the heart of "Shut It Tight" I see someone who wants to see clear, who will act like an adult and be fearless of what is real.  Chances are I'm projecting myself into that analysis, but I look at Burnett's face in the video clip. He's on to something.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoNDCfo0Ti8

And, ahhh! On a final note, it's sure been nice to have these two weeks to slow down, read, and do not much of anything but watch and pet the cats. The routines kick in on Monday. Back to work, to class, to a commitment to my yoga practice, my family, my cats. I'll miss taking the time to write as frequently, but there's probably a lot of good in that, too. Well, nothing to do but keep on heading down the road. 2011 is here. I'm open to its surprises. Best wishes to you, friends. Happy New Year. May we all be blessed with clear sight and balls enough to accept it.