Holier Than Thou

In my sleeping years, the 12 or so when my kids were babies and I lost myself in roles, I'd eat anything and move very little.  I was not in any sense holier than anyone let alone thou. The standard American diet, a.k.a. SAD was fine. Fast food? Fine. Sugar? Yep. Fine. Ah, then the wake-up call. Nothing so alarming as a triple bypass or near death encounter with cancer. No, just a look at a photograph in which I saw my lost self peeking out through a puffy, sugar cookie face.

Changes and transformations later, I had gradually shifted from doughy white flour and sugar diet to  clean, green, plant-based nourishment. I practiced yoga daily, rode a bike and presented a happier human being for my kids to be with. Not a magical shift, to say the least. I was still prone to all sorts of silly human being follies, and maybe a little more since I had the confidence to pursue some of them. In regards to food, though, I did become Holier Than Thou (caps intentional). I felt lied to by those who purvey the boxcar loads of subsidized corn in all its unholy, unhealthful incarnations. Angry, too, that I couldn't just buy all that I was sold without experiencing a decline in health and well-being. What the hell? I'd have to step out of the mainstream in order to be healthy.

For the record, life in the margins of society ain't that bad. You look around and find other beat-of-their-own-drummer souls with whom to keep company or to just admire from afar. However, I believe there is some instinct for survival that accounts for the anxiety I feel sometimes when I recognize my misfit with those around me. But I digress. Let me just say about my dietary changes that I got that missionary zeal. If this made me happy, it would make others that way, too, dammit. Wake up, People! I thought. No, I really did. Folks would ask how I managed to lose the weight but balked when I told them. Surely there must be some other way for them that wouldn't entail changing habits.

So maybe that wasn't good, that looking down my nose at others. I was talking with some friends--the friends who have every right to call me on my bullshit because they are there to support me in or out of said bullshit. I mentioned my worry for my daughter who loves junk food and pasty food-like substances. I said that the more I try to influence the more my daughter resists and goes for the chips, pastas, cookies, etc. "Maybe she's just sick of you being holier than thou!" said one friend. Oh, yeah, that hit home. I laughed because it was true. I'd made one too many wise cracks about greasy burgers and fries to friends who still enjoy those. And then I started to consider the Buddhist concept of middle way. It makes sense, and resonates still, but I may have misinterpreted. I got busy with this life of mine and gave in a little more, eating a candy here, a cookie there. I didn't want to be holier than anyone! But for someone with something like a sugar addiction, this has become more difficult to regulate. I feel the effects of sugar in my body like a low-grade headache and cells starving for nutrients. I can feel like shit AND STILL WANT MORE! That's the insanity of it.

So my apologies to anyone I've ever offended with my high-horse dietary standards, but I'm going to have to become a little holier than thou again. I won't preach to you, though, I promise.   I will more likely sympathize  with you as you try to figure out what works best for you to be happy.  I am on the same cruise ship as you, only I'll be staying away from the dessert bar. You may find me strolling the Lito Deck or playing shuffleboard with some old farts.  Maybe you'll join me for a yoga class or a bike ride, but if you don't that's OK, too.